


By the Stars

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, F/M, Good Severus, Mental Illness, Non death eater Severus, Self Harm, Snape Big Bang 2020, Soulmate AU, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23857522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: Soulmates were a beautiful wonderful thing one single person for you, who was made for you, and you will be happy with.But broken souls make harder paths, though they can be more beautiful.
Relationships: Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	By the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Serovit thank you for the art❤️

  
By the stars was what people said about soulmates. That they were destined to be together from their very birth. But, the truth is destiny, and what happened to be, they indeed tended to be two different things. Destiny was a theory of what could happen in the right situation, but the truth is just like Severus Snape’s mother; he was not going to be blessed with an easy path to his soulmate.

“None of your business, Severus, now go to bed!” The first time he asked the woman who gave birth to him, about the soul mark on her shoulder, she hissed like an angry cat.

She harshly slammed the cracked bedroom door shut. He never asked her about her soulmate mark again. But, the intuitive little boy had realized rather quickly, it was not the same as the one on his father’s forearm. 

His father’s was four oak leaves, while his mother’s was a wand wrapped in ivy. His teacher in muggle primary school told them they should wait for their soulmate, just as the boy and little girl did in the story she had just read. 

Severus did not realize there was anything wrong with his parents having different soulmate marks, “Well, Mr. Snape, that can’t be true, your mother and father surely are soulmates. Maybe the location of them makes them look different.” His teacher muttered, her tone rather harsh, “Or your father has a tattoo that sort of looks like a soulmate mark, and you can’t see his actual mark that looks the same as your mother’s.”

“Miss, my mum will not tell me about her soulmate mark!” He shouted at her, Severus was someone who did not enjoy being called a liar, or having someone claim that he was telling half truths.

“Now, Severus, please do not shout. It’s rather rude.” She snapped clearly, done with his rather childish behavior. “If you do not stop, I will be forced to tell your mother about these absurd ideas that you seem to have; about her and your father. Now go sit down.”

The teacher did not keep her promise, and in that moment he learned that he could never trust anyone, no matter what anyone said. Severus made the mistake of standing in front of his mother as the teacher told her about what he had said. Eileen Snape was a small woman; her son at six came up to her chin. But she kept her nails long, which did not help as they dug into the juncture between her son’s shoulder and his neck, as the teacher spoke.

“That hurts, Mum,” Severus wailed. 

“Sorry, Sev.” She said to him and smiled at his teacher over his shoulder. Though she decided to rest the toe of her boot on Severus's heel. 

“You see Mrs. Snape, your son has such an odd imagination. I suggest that you sit him down and explain that soulmates are the way of the world,” The teacher said as if the boy wasn’t even there. “It would be impossible for you and your husband not to be soulmates. What it would do to the child, how it would affect their childhood if you were not. I don’t even want to think about it. Your son, if that were the case, might not be to understand true and proper love.”

“Of course, Miss?” Eileen said. 

“Thomas, my name is Mrs. Thomas. I believe my husband is your husband’s boss at the mill.”

“Is that so? Tell your husband I said hello, now come along Severus, I am sure you have homework, and I have dinner to make.” Eileen remarked.

Once they were back in the shelter of their own home, Eileen grabbed the boy by his greasy long black hair. “Learn to keep your mouth shut, boy!” She snarled, “Those ears on your head aren’t just for looks, actually bloody well use them! Now you see what the world thinks of people being together who aren’t soulmates, don’t you? 

They think it’s sinful to do such a thing. They believe your existence is an abomination. Never forget that boy. Keep your bloody mouth shut and go take a bath, you stink. And if you don’t keep your mouth shut? I will shut it myself, permanently. And your soulmate can have a silent mute little mate!”

The look in Eileen’s coal-black eyes spoke volumes. His mother did not look like a kind woman who might be found baking cookies, she looked like a snake or a panther ready to strike. She appeared dangerous. She looked like she meant every single word. 

For once in a long time, Severus ran up the stairs to take an icy cold bath without question. Even though the cold seemed to go straight to his bones. It caused him to shiver and made him want to jump out of the bath as quickly as he could. But, he did as he was told and cleaned himself. 

Severus was silent throughout dinner, his mother did not tuck him into bed like she normally did. Tobias had never done so since his son started to show accidental magic at three. Severus barely remembered what a loving, caring father was like. All he could remember was snide remarks, shoves, punches, the occasional kick if his father deemed what he had done truly horrible. Or at his worst, Tobias’s, when he was totally utterly drunk the little boy would face the taste of his father's belt.

He laid in his bed that night and thought to himself, maybe Mrs. Thomas was right, all would be better once he met his soulmate. The girl or boy with the stars around a lily on their skin just like him. Maybe they too were born with a magical parent and their parents would be able to take him away from his wretched parents. 

Maybe his soulmate would truly love him, so unlike his parents. They, it seemed, did not know what the true meaning of love was.

************************ 

The day Severus Snape ended up meeting Lily Evans changed his life forever. It set him down a path that could either be his doom or his salvation. He had no control over what it would be. It was in the hands of the red-haired girl, with the matching soulmate mark on her knee as the one that was on Severus’s left arm. 

Lily was in a way the exact opposite of Severus, her parents were as happy as clams. They had found each other as soul mates when they were twelve years old, in secondary school. Faith and Daniel Evans finished school, married, got jobs, then they had their first daughter Petunia and a few years later they had Lily. 

They were like every other family that lived on Appleton lane, so different from the people who lived in Spinner's end. So different from the Snape family.

************************ 

Lily sat on a swing crying, her sister had just called her a freak, and that she was going to tell their mother that she was a freak. She watched as a boy dressed in odd clothing walked over to her. His hair was a little too long, falling in his face. His shirt vaguely reminded her of one of her mother’s blouses. His pants we're belted high and rolled a few times. His boots clearly had seen better days. It was an unseasonably cold summer day, and the boy wore a heavy wool coat that must have been his father’s.

He was quite a strange-looking boy, but he seemed nice. Smiling at her, his black eyes bright. ”Hello, my name is Severus, what is yours?” 

”My name is Lily, I have never seen you before.” She pulled her cardigan tighter around her.

”I think we are in different classes.” He said to her, “ Why were you crying?”

”My sister thinks I am a freak,” she cried.

”I don't think you're a freak.” He slowly sat down next to her on the swing and whispered,

”You haven't seen what I did.” Lily asserted, “I thought everyone could do stuff as I can.”

”Show me.” Severus said with conviction and interest.

”Promise you will not run away like Petunia did?” 

”I promise.”

“I can do weird things by just thinking about it. Like this.” She picked up a flower and it floated over to him. 

Severus had already known this girl was a witch, but he wanted her to tell or show him. So, she wouldn’t know that he had been watching what happened between her and her sister. 

“You’re a Witch.” He said to her, smiling like a fool, it fell from his face knowing that she could his slightly crooked teeth. 

”That’s a really mean thing to say!” Lily gave him a dirty look, and snapped.

She stood up from the swing and went to stomp off home. First, her sister and now this really mean boy, why couldn't anyone just be nice to her? Lily was only nine years old and for a second she thought Petunia was right, she was a freak and this boy agreed with her sister. He was just making her think he wanted to be her friend just so he could tell everyone how much of a freak she was. Well, Lily was not going to let him do that. Surely not when he looked so much like a freak himself. 

”Wait! Lily, I didn't say it to be mean.” Severus shouted. ”I am a wizard, just as you’re a witch and my mum is just like us.”

He made the flower float back to her, ”See? I can do magic too. If I thought you were that mean word, I would think I am too. Your sister is the freak, Lily, we aren't. We are special and she can't even dream of being how special we are.”

It was then that he saw her soulmate mark, and realized the truth. 

”Look, Lily.” Holding out his left forearm where his mark was. Showing her the lily with the stars around it. ”We have the same mark, would I call my soulmate a freak?”

”Some people do though, they don't like who fate matches them with.” Thinking to herself why fate thought she should be bonded to this rather odd boy, though he did seem nice once you got past his oddness. 

”Well I am not like those weird people, and I think you're pretty.” His pale face turned so red it reminded Lily of her own hair. 

”How did your mum become a witch? How did you become a wizard?”

”Well you don't actually get a choice in being one or not.” Severus said, “You are either born with magic or not. My mum is from a magical family, they all have magic. My father doesn't, he's a muggle like your sister and parents.”

”What’s a muggle?” Lily asked.

”Someone without any magic of course.”

Petunia stumbled upon them, ”Lily, Mum told me to come and find you. Why on earth are you hanging around the freaky Snape boy? We can't fix your freakiness if you make friends with freaks.”

”We aren't freaks!” Lily cried out. 

”Yes you two are!” The muggle girl screamed, and I am going to tell mummy you’re making friends with strange boys. She's never going to let you go outside and play again!”

”Stop!” Severus screamed, “Stop saying that word.”

”Freak! Freaky little freak.” Petunia laughed, “In his mummy’s shirt. Freaky little boy playing dress-up in his dad’s clothes. Freaky little boy with boots from the donation bin!”

”Tunie, that's really mean.”

”Be quiet! Just stop saying that!” He yelled magic welling up under his skin, in his very bones then with that, a branch snapped off the tree near them, shards of it hitting Petunia, but not a single one hit Lily. 

”He’s dangerous! Let's go, Lily, we have to go home.” Petunia dragged her sister away. 

Lily stared at Severus, her green eyes full of tears, her soulmate, the one person who was supposed to love her and protect her, tried to hurt her sister. But, the truth was it really that? Didn't her sister keep saying mean words to him? Didn't he ask her to stop? He did not actually hurt her. He just seemed to explode with magic. Not unlike she had done a few times, and he was like her. He had magic, and he was from a family with magic.

She was going to try and find him tomorrow to go and try to make things right. For some reason, Lily felt she had to. She just had to. 

************************ 

Severus Snape sat on a tree stump, near the Black Lake. He was dressed in slightly too short jeans that had been a gift from Mrs. Evans a year ago. She insisted he needed clothing that fit, being that he was growing like a weed. He tried desperately to pull the sleeves of his sweater down over his thin wrists. 

Sometimes Severus wished that he wasn't a Slytherin, but he was also not shocked when the Sorting Hat shouted Slytherin. Actually, he would have been terribly shocked if it had said anything else. What was, however, the most frustrating was when Lily was put into Gryffindor. As much as he tried desperately to lie both to himself and Lily that she could be welcomed in Slytherin, he knew that was not the case. Muggleborns could not be Slytherins. Half-Bloods were barely even allowed in the house. 

People like Severus were allowed in because of the fact that lines could be corrected, not because half-bloods were welcomed with open arms. His dorm mates regularly mocked him because not only was he the son of a muggle, he was friends with a muggleborn, but the biggest reason was the fact his soulmate was that same muggleborn girl. 

Severus to his fellow Slytherins may as well have a red M stitched into his robes. They could not kick him out of their house, but that did not mean they did not want to. 

He was in his fifth year now, sometimes Severus wondered how he had even lived this long. He thought either his father would kill him by beating him to death, or maybe his dormmates would throw him off the astronomy tower, or maybe he would end up accidentally doing himself in with the cuts that littered his arms and legs. He did anything to his mark, his mark that tied him to Lily, because that mark to him was far more important than easing his own pain. 

That mark was likely the only reason he hadn't jumped off the damn tower himself, instead of waiting for someone to do it for him. 

Severus saw Lily walking over to him, her red hair shining in the sunlight. She was like the sun to him on even his darkest days, part of him wished he could be her sun too. But, he was not made of the same things as Lily, he was a cursed child, a child destined for hardship. 

Severus Tobias Snape was born to parents who were not soulmates. Though if he spoke those words to anyone, he would become far more of an outcast than he already was. He might even lose his own soulmate, his beloved Lily. 

Would she want to be tied to a man's mind, heart, and soul who should not even exist? 

Lily leaned into him, ”What’s on your mind?” 

”A lot and nothing at all.” He muttered

”What’s wrong?”

”I feel like my mind just can't let me breathe,” Severus muttered, “It is like a book that will simply not just settle on a page.”

”Sev, you know that I want to help you don't you, right?” Lily asked, hoping that he understood it. Hoping desperately that he would accept it. 

”Yes.”

”You just have to let me in.” She remarked

”I want to…” He said to her softly hoping she understood, “Lily, I do so utterly much, but it's not as simple as saying simple things.”

”It shouldn't be that hard Severus, I am your soulmate, we have been bonded since before we both were even born.” Lily murmured, “I know you better than anyone, and you know me better than anyone. So for the love of Merlin, Sev, let me help.”

Severus started to pick at his sleeve, pushing it up and tugging it down. Pushing his nail against the skin of his right wrist. He shut his black eyes and pushed his sleeve up, then laid his right arm in her lap. ”Sometimes... I feel the need to make the pain go away. I know I shouldn't do it this way... I know I shouldn't. But, it makes the pain go away.” 

He pulled his arm away from her, wrapped it around his legs and rested his chin on his knees. 

”Sev,” It was clear to Severus that her heart was breaking as she spoke, which broke his 

”I am sorry that you were stuck with such a broken soulmate,” Staring at her with his sharp intelligent black eyes, that reminded her of deep dark black pools.

”Stop Severus. Stop with the stupid self-loathing bullshit,” Lily snarled. “For the love of Merlin. Just stop. I am not going to run away simply because you are a little broken. We all are a little broken. Some of us are more broken than others. We were bonded by the stars Severus. By fate and time. Now let's go get Madam Pomfrey to go look at those wounds so they don't end up infected.”

************************ 

The truth was Lily was lying to Severus when she claimed that she did not want to run away from him. The truth is Lily like most little girls believed in and loved fairy tales. No matter how hard he tried, Severus was no fairy tale Prince. Even if his mother’s name was just that. 

It was not that she thought he was ugly, far from it. He might not be classically handsome, but she did find him attractive. It was not his personality, he rarely ever tried to push her buttons. She did not care that he seemed to enjoy pushing the buttons of those around him. It was the fact that she felt like she was trying to stop him from drowning, but sometimes Lily felt as if he was pulling her down with him.

Lily shut those thoughts out, Severus would be in the hospital wing for at least another day or so. Some of those cuts had been rather deep. Potions could only do so much to stitch back together days old wounds. 

She was only taking a walk to take a few minutes to herself. She ran into Remus Lupin, who ”Hello, Evans,” he said to her with the gentleness that was part of his very nature. 

”Hello, Lupin,” Lily was not as warm as he was; she did not trust him.

”What’s wrong?”

”I really don't want to tell you what's wrong. She growled, “Because it's honestly none of your business.”.

”So it has to do with Snape, I am guessing?” Remus asked her.

”What does it matter to you?” 

”Evans, because... I don't agree with James and Sirius that he's a monster,” He said softly. “Hell at one point I tried to be his friend, but I also wish I could be yours. I don't hate either of you. For the love of that is right in the world I don't know how I can get this through either of your thick heads.”

”Well, if you want to be his friend or mine, make your friends stop. Make them stop. They or you or even the rest of our house don't have to become friends with Severus, but guess what? He's getting enough shit from his own house. He gets enough... He just gets enough, okay?”

”I understand Lily…” Nodding he said, “I will try to get them to stop, okay?”

”That’s all I can ask you to do.”

************************ 

Severus could not help but feel uncomfortable as he glanced out from the Astronomy Tower. Lily was pregnant. They were barely graduating Hogwarts next month and Lily was pregnant. There was a war raging around them, and they were going to be parents. They were so stupid not to be more careful. So utterly foolish.

He pulled his cloak around him tighter around him, Severus never really liked to admit it to people, but he was rather scared of heights. Maybe that was why at the worst point in his life he had never jumped from the tower. At this point in time, Severus knew that he could not do it either, even if a tiny small part of him wanted to. Lily and their unborn child needed him. Whether or not he felt at times he felt like they could do so much better.

He had an upcoming apprenticeship that he thought he shouldn’t take. It was unpaid. He needed to buck up, be a grown up and get a real job. Severus was going to end up just like his father. In a dead end job, that he hates. But, he was not going to end up beating his wife. Making her cover up her bruises with makeup. Make her hide the pain that left scars on her very soul.

Severus was not going to beat his son or daughter. He was not going to neglect them. He wasn’t going to be worse to them then the imaginary monster under their bed. Severus’s monsters growing up were real and they happened to be his parents. His childhood had shaped how he viewed the world and his very personality. 

”Sev, it's not your fault.” Lily walked up behind Severus, she wrapped her arms around his waist and said,

”No... It's our fault.”

”No one is at fault.” She murmured, “We planned on having children in a few years anyway. This child wasn't planned but they will be loved.”

”We should have been more…” Severus cried, “Careful!”

”Yes... We should have been more careful, but we were not. Severus Tobias Snape.” Lily rocked up on her toes to whisper in his ear. 

He flinched at his full name.

”You are not your father… “Lily said with a strong conviction that Lily did not know she had, “Just as I am not your mother. Just as we aren't my parents or even my sister. We are Severus and Lily, that's it.”

”When did you become so smart?” Severus asked.

”I have always been.” Lily teased, “had to be with a soulmate like you.”

”Let’s get out of the cold”, he reached for her small hand and brought it to his lips. ”What would I do without you, Lily?”

”Well you might be a better Slytherin. She mused, “and you would put down your books far less?”

”Likely.”

”You would be dating someone like Hannah Greengrass?” Lily asked. “Surely those Slytherin girls would like someone as good at potions as you.”

”Unlikely…” he laughed, “she likely wouldn't give me the time of day, but I also prefer fiery redheads to foolish blondes.”

”I am happy about that. She said, “but I also think you are selling yourself short.”

”Lily, the rest of the world does not see me as you do.” He said with pain in his voice, “they see me as worthless, the little dirty boy from the wrong side of the tracks, the half-blood, the Slytherin, the freak, the future Death Eater, and so much more.”

”I disagree with you on that Severus,” Lily said softly, giving him a dirty look. “I think it's mostly how you view yourself and you put that on the rest of the world.”

”Lily let's go get supper,” Severus quickly changed the subject.

”This conversation is not over,” She warned him.

Severus nodded but said nothing else, hoping desperately that Lily would forget it, but knowing that was unlikely to happen. 

************************ 

The day his son was born changed Severus’s life forever. The baby had midnight black hair, not unlike his own. His skin was as pale as white sheets. But his eyes, his eyes were emerald green, just like his mother’s. They named his Evan, after Lily’s maiden name. Evan Severus Snape was loved and cherished in a way his father had never been. He might not have been planned, but he was surely wanted.

For once in his life, Severus did not believe in the wretched curse that seemed to taint his very existence. They were truly happy, as happy a young couple could be on a single income of a potion’s shop worker. They were not as poor as Severus had grown up as, though he did not make much more than his father had when you took all things into consideration. 

The difference was Severus, unlike his father, did not drink away what he made in the bar. They eked out a meager existence so that one day they may have a better life. So their son may have a better life.

Severus dunked his head under the water of the tub. A small part of him wondered if his son and wife would be better without him. If he should just off himself. No, he thought to himself, he should not think like that. They needed him. Lily needed him, to lose a soulmate was to have a part of yourself dead along with them. Death would be a great gift to Severus himself, but would be torture for her. Not even considering what it would do to his son.

A baby’s cry filled Severus’s ears, he pulled himself out from under the water. He leaped out of the water, throwing on his sleep clothes as quickly as he could. Slipping on the bath rug as he did so. He felt sometimes like his limbs were just too long, it was worse when he was a teenager. He felt then as if someone had taken him and simply stretched him out. 

He stubbed his toe on the way to Evan’s room, cursing under his breath. Lily hadn’t been getting much sleep in the last few weeks, that was likely the reason she did not wake as the baby started to cry. He picked the small baby up. The baby who when he first was born, Severus had been terrified to hold him. Terrified that he would break him in some way or another. 

Terrified that his son would end up seeing him the way he saw his own father. Or better yet, that he would wake up one day and start behaving like Tobias. 

************************

Severus sat next to Lily, taking in the sunset over their yard, ”I have something to tell you.”

”What’s wrong?” her green eyes full fear and turmoil, terrified of what might come out of her husband might voice.

”I should have told you this before we got together...”

“Severus Snape, just tell me, rip off the bloody bandaid.”

“My parents weren't soulmates.” Severus lit a cigarette, “I don't know the story of how it happened; my mum will never talk about it. I should have told you. Not only am I dirt poor, a stupid half-blood from a dark family, a Slytherin, unable to keep my stupid mouth shut, but I am also a freak of nature...”

”Severus Tobias Snape! You are one of the smartest people I know, but sometimes you are a far bigger fool than you are smart.” Lily stood up, her hands on his face, she chucking his cigarette into the grass. The thing you're so damn worried about? I have known since we were children. Petunia claimed it was another reason I should disconnect from our bond. What are you so worried about? 

It is just a myth, a fairytale, to make teenagers wait to have sex. Nothing more than that. Just a bunch of old prudes who didn't like the idea of unmarried people—unbonded people having sex. We have a choice in whether not to accept a soulmate or not. For whatever reason, your parents did not accept them, so they found someone else.”

”But they aren't happy together…”

”And that happens with soulmates as well.” Lily ending up sitting down on his lap, crossed her arms, “No one is owed happiness, Severus, life, and happiness are what we as people make of it, not some silly mark on our arms.”

”I don't deserve you…” Severus muttered. 

”Yeah, you do, but if you don't get that through your thick skull, Severus? We are going to make it. Soulmate or not.”

In his heart of hearts, Severus knew she was right, about everything. Just as she usually was.

************************

Severus and Lily stood hand in hand as Evan ran onto the Hogwarts Express for his first year. Their marriage wasn't perfect, but one was? They had made a life for themselves, out of the remains of their childhoods and their scars. Evan did not fear his father’s hands or his belt. Their son did not mock his Laurel for her lack of magic, and she did not mock him for having it. They raised their children with a belief their life was full of choices, and they were the only ones allowed to make them. Lily and Severus waved to their son as the train pulled away from the station. 

There was a sharp painful sadness at the fact that Laurel would never get to go Hogwarts, but they were the best parents to show her the muggle world could be just as great. But, Petunia was going to show them some boarding schools for their daughter. 

Life would go on just as it always did. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
